Twilight Parody
by TwilighterluvsEdward
Summary: The title explains it all. Part 1 of 4 parodies of the entire Twilight saga. Really funny parody that follows the plot of Twilight.PLease review! Hilarious jokes about Twilight.WARNING: Might make you cry from laughing too hard...Seriously.Original ideas!
1. Airport

Twilight Parody

**This is my first fanfiction story, so reviews are greatly appreciated. My friend has helped me with the writing in this story. We (well, mostly myself) love Twilight and are writing this because we are really bored**. **Please do not take offense for anything in our story because it is only for humor and hopefully you'll find it funny. **

**Disclaimer: My friend and I do not own Twilight (or any books for that matter.) Stephenie Meyer is the owner of Twilight's plot and characters and no one else can take credit for it. But on the bright side, we get to read her awesome books as much as we like! **

~ At the airport ~

Renée: Bella, you don't have to go live with my stupid ex-husband in Forks.

Bella: Mom, I _want_ to go.

Renée: Why? Do you hate me? What did I ever do to make you unhappy? I've been the perfect mother! –She starts to sob-

Bella: …Umm, I just want to get away from your new husband that you only knew for 5 months before marrying him…on my birthday…that you forgot about…again.

Renée: -thinks it over- Oh, you had your birthday again! When was that?

Bella: Over 4 months ago…

Renée: Oh…well, tell Charles I said "Hi"

Bella: Umm…Mom, your ex-husband's (and my biological father's) name is Charlie.

Renée: …I knew that! –Laughs nervously- now, you better go get on your plane before you trip over something and need to be taken to the hospital…again.

**(A/N: There's the first chapter! Sorry it was so short, but we really didn't have a lot of ideas. This is going to sound very clique and overused but… REVIEW! Your feedback is very important to us. If you have any ideas that you want my friend and myself to include in our story, just type it out and send it to us.)**


	2. The Cullens!

**Hi everyone! I just finished this chapter today and I hope you like it! P.S. I published the first chapter of the New Moon Parody yesterday! If you've read it already or are going to read it, I hope you find it funny! **

**Disclaimer: My friend and I do not own Twilight. I have never (and probably will never) own Twilight. I know I should never say never, but I don't think Stephenie Meyer wants to give up Edward just yet. -Sighs-**

~ Charlie ~

Bella walks off the plane _without_ hurting herself or the people around her. The plane trip is a whole other story. Bella tripped 5 times just walking to her seat (while the plane _wasn't_ moving) and, well, lets just say she hurt 3 other people around her while walking around the plane when it was in motion.

Bella spots Charlie and walks up to him.

Charlie: Oh, Kelsey, there you are!

Bella: Umm, Char-Dad, my name is Bella.

Charlie: …Riiight… Anyway, let's go home. And by the way, I really don't want to have to look after you instead of going to work tomorrow, so you're going to school! –Evil laugh-

Bella is freaked out so she runs away to Charlie's car.

Bella thinks: Oh great, A police car. It's going to take forever to get anywhere while being driven in that!

~ At Home ~

Charlie: Guess what!?

Bella: …what?

Announcer from a game show says: Charlie bought you a new car!!!!!

Cheering from an 'audience' starts.

Bella and Charlie are confused. They look around for the 'Voice' but see no one...

Bella: Okayyyyy…so what kind of car is it?

Announcer: It's a 1953' Chevy Truck. Billy Black was the last owner and your Dad is so cheap he only paid $200 for it!

Bella and Charlie look around again. No one was around.

Bella: Ok, then. Thanks for the car Dad.

~ The next day ~

Bella was barely able to sleep that night because she heard dogs howling during the early hours of the morning. **(AN: Lolz! I wonder who **_**that**_** was.)**

Bella went straight to school because her unreliable-Police-Chief-father forgot to mention the fact that she would have to get up earlier because of her truck.

~ At Forks High School, during lunchtime ~

Bella thought: This school is so small, I'll never be able to fit in here! I never had any friends in Phoenix and now it's going to be the same here!

While Bella was thinking of how she's going to be friendless forever, something happened. – GASP! -

The Cullens walked into the cafeteria and sat 3 tables away from Bella. She noticed how hot they were. She made a VERY long description of every person at the table and wrote it down in her notebook. She was trying to decide who was hotter: The Barbie doll-look-a-like or the real-life-Adonis.

Apparently, the table Bella was sitting at was Jessica's posse's table, so Jessica and all her friends introduced themselves and starting talking to her. (But they only did so to get attention from the other students.)

Bella: Who are those guys' names? – points to the Cullens-

Jessica: Those are the Cullens. They moved down here from Alaska, like, two years ago. They're all _together_, except for Edward. He doesn't date. Every girl here wishes he would. –She whispered-

'Edward' looked straight at Bella. But Bella was scared by how he, apparently, heard Jessica, so she looked away quickly. Jessica noticed.

Bella: Is _that_ Edward?

Jessica: Um, yeah. –She was still dazzled by looking at Edward-

Bella: Ok, then. What are their other names?

-Jessica pointed to everyone when she said their name-: That's Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper. Jasper and Alice are together as well as Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie and Jasper are twins. Alice and Edward are in the same grade as us, but the older Cullens are in their senior year.

Bella: Wow. That's a lot to remember. How _do_ you remember that?

Jessica just shrugs.

The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch.

**(A/N Yay! The second chapter of the Twilight Parody is done and, obviously, published! Wow, it was longer than the last chapter! See, reviews **_**do**_** help with writing stories! Thank you so much for reading! Please review and tell my friend and me what you think!)**


	3. Stalkerish Behavior?

Hi everyone! Thanks for reading the first two chapters of the Twilight Parody; here's the third!

Disclaimer: My friend and I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer is the lucky person who created and owns the Twilight Saga.

~ In Biology ~

Bella walked to Biology 2 by herself and tripped almost every four steps she took.

She stepped into the classroom and the teacher, , told her where to sit.

She looked at the seat and gasped.

Bella thought: OMG! I get to sit by Edward Cullen!

Bella noticed while she was walking over to her desk, that Edward went rigid in his seat.

She tripped and everyone laughed at her, including Mr Banner. She got back up and sat by Edward. He leaned as far away from her and looked the other way.

Bella thought: What's _wrong_ with him?

Apparently she accidentally said that outloud, and everyone around her laughed. Except Edward.

He stayed as still as stone the entire class and when the bell rang, he was out of his seat and striding toward the door, very quickly.

Bella had looked at him during the entire class and she kinda felt like a stalker. But she argued with herself and she came to the conclusion that she's not a stalker, but just curious about the hot guy. But on the up-side she found out more about him to write down in her notebook that she reserved for the Cullens! Yay!

Bella thought: It's not stalkerish to have a notebook reserved to six people, right? Yeah, I'm right. That's totally not stalkerish.

Bella went to P.E next and hurt four people, including herself. They were playing volleyball, one of the many sports that Bella is horrible at…oh wait, she's bad at _every_ sport. Mike annoyed Bella so much that when she had to serve, she purposely hit him in the head.

That night, Bella thought: Why does Edward hate me so much? I didn't do anything to offend him!

~ Next Day ~

Bella went to school only to find out that Edward Cullen wasn't at school. His other four siblings were there, but Edward was gone. Bella was guilty, angry, sad, and confused at the same time! She was guilty because she thought that maybe it was her fault he was missing school. Angry because she didn't do anything to him in the first place. Sad because, as weird as it seems, she wanted to know more about him. (For her notebook, of course!) And confused because she didn't know why he acted so cold to her.

Edward didn't come back the rest of the week. Bella tried reasoning with herself thinking he may just be sick or something. She wanted to confront him, to ask what his problem with her was.

(A/N Sorry about how short and not funny this chapter is. It was kinda just a filler chapter. I hope you don't hate me!!! I SWEAR the next chapter will be MUCH better!!!! And longer! Thank you sooo much for reading this chapter, though.)


	4. Michael Jackson Sighting?

Hi everyone! I'm sorry for not updating my parodies lately. It was my birthday a couple days ago, and I got an iPod Nano, so now I'm able to listen to Taylor Swift whenever I want! I made this chapter kinda long because you all had to wait longer for me to write it all out. I hope that I don't disappoint you with the following chapter.

**Disclaimer: We are not the proud owners of Twilight. (My friend and I)**

~ At school the next week ~

Announcer's voice: Bella went to school like any other day, but today she was going to get the surprise she's been waiting for!

TwilighterluvsEdward: What! Why am I putting the announcer back!? –looks around- Where _is_ the announcer?…

-The announcer goes away because he was about to get in A LOT of trouble with the authors, and it was time for him to be on some weird random game show…-

Anyway, Bella is at school and sees the one person she's been waiting for…

Yes, you guessed it…

Michael Jackson! Bella saw Michael Jackson at school when- NOOO! I'm just kidding! Bella doesn't even know who Michael Jackson is!

She actually saw…

Edward…Cullen…

Anyway, Bella got surprised to see him at school (finally) so she fell more often than she usually did.

When she took her seat in Biology, Edward said: "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. You MUST be Bella."

Bella stared at him for a minute (literally) and said: "How do you know my name? Are you a stalker?! OMG! I HAVE A STALKER!"

The entire class stared at her like she was crazy, WAIT, scratch that, the entire class stared at her _because_ she was crazy.

Edward: Umm…no I'm not a stalker.

When he saw the sad look on Bella's face he said: But I can act like one and ask you about your life back in Phoenix…which is where I imagine you came from…

Bella hadn't told him where she had come from so she still had slight hope that he was a stalker. She can put that in her notebook reserved for the Cullens! YAY!

Mr. Banner eventually came into the classroom and told the students they had to do a lab. (Not that anyone was listening) (But they eventually did the lab)

Bella and Edward just randomly guessed what each slide was until the following happened:

While Edward and Bella both reached for the microscope, they touched! They pulled back because they both got shocked. (like static electricity) And Edward's hand was freakishly cold…

After that, Edward just wrote down random words that he thought were right.

Bella looked into Edward's eyes and noticed they were a different color than she had written in her notebook the week before.

Bella: Did you get contacts?

Edward: Nooooooooooo…Why?

Bella: Well,… when you glared at me last week, your eyes were black. Now they're gold.

Edward just shrugged like it was no big deal that his eye color magically changed!

When the bell rang, Edward shot out of his seat and fled the classroom (While Bella watched him)

~ Later That Night ~

Bella thought about Edward (no surprise there) that night. When she was walking up the stairs, she remembered something and fell.

After getting up, she remembered what she had remembered.

SHE NEEDED TO WRITE IN HER CULLEN-RESERVED NOTEBOOK! She wrote in it every night (mostly writing Edward's name in cursive)

That night Bella wrote every single word Edward said to her that day. (That way she will NEVER FORGET her first conversation with Edward.)

~ The Next Day In School Parking Lot ~

While Bella got out of her truck she heard a loud screech! E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H! – like that.

She looked around her to see what it was coming from. It was a dark blue van and it was coming her way!

Bella saw Edward talking to his sister, then he turned his head and gaped at Bella. (She was looking dreamily at him while a van was about to hit her.)

Announcer: Tune in next week to find out what happens to Bella! DA DA DA DON!

TwilighterluvsEdward: WHY IS THE ANNOUNCER BACK!!! And when did this turn into a reality TV show??? I'm so confused! (Which is sad because I wrote all of this)

Announcer: TwilighterluvsEdward, can I PLEASE HAVE THIS JOB!?

TwilighterluvsEdward: I don't know. If my readers want you to be in my story then I guess you can. Do YOU want the random announcer to be in my story!?

Announcer: PLEASE SAY YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED THIS JOB!!!

TwilighterluvsEdward: Hey,…umm, Announcer guy, what's your name?

Announcer: I will tell you if I get to be in your story.

TwilighterluvsEdward to YOU (The readers): If you want…the announcer guy…to stay in my story please review.

Announcer: If you love me, you'll review!!!

**(A/N I hope you guys don't hate me for not updating in so long! I haven't been able to get on the right computer. (I can't save my fanfiction stuff on my brother's -which is the only one I've been on lately.)**

**I know the random announcer guy and I are a big part of this chapter, but I wanted to know if you guys liked the idea of him as a character. I like the idea, but please review and tell me what you think! Oh and by the way, I know the "Announcer" said that I'll post the next chapter **_**next week**_**, but I'm not sure about that. Sorry! Thanks for reading! ~TwilighteruvsEdward.)**


	5. Bella VS Van Who Will Win?

**(A/N Hi everyone! Thank you all sooo much for reading and reviewing my Twilight Parody so far! From how many people wanted to keep "Announcer Guy" he will stay in my story. My New Moon Parody is going to be put on hold right now because I think it's best if I don't do too many projects at once. –Thanks to my reviewers who recommended doing that-)**

**Disclaimer: I am not the owner of Twilight. Stephenie Meyer is the wonderful writer and owner of Twilight.**

**What happened last…**

_~ The Next Day In School Parking Lot ~_

_While Bella got out of her truck she heard a loud screech! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! –like that._

_She looked around her to see what it was coming from. It was a dark blue van and it was coming her way! _

_Bella saw Edward talking to his sister, then he turned his head and gaped at Bella. (She was looking dreamily at him while a van was about to hit her.)_

_Announcer: Tune in next week to find out what happens to Bella! DA DA DA DON!_

_TwilighterluvsEdward: WHY IS THE ANNOUNCER BACK!!! And when did this turn into a reality TV show??? I'm so confused! (Which is sad because I wrote all of this)_

_Announcer: TwilighterluvsEdward, can I PLEASE HAVE THIS JOB!? TwilighterluvsEdward: I don't know. If my readers want you to be in my story then I guess you can. Do YOU want the random announcer to be in my story!? _

_Announcer: PLEASE SAY YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED THIS JOB!!!_

_TwilighterluvsEdward: Hey,…umm, Announcer guy, what's your name?_

_Announcer: I will tell you if I get to be in your story._

_TwilighterluvsEdward to YOU (The readers): If you want…the announcer guy…to stay in my story please review._

_Announcer: If you love me, you'll review!!!_

**Current Situation**

The van kept coming at Bella. She looked around. Everyone was looking at her. Including Edward! (YAY!) But he was only looking at her because she was about to die….

The rest went by pretty quickly.

Bella was tackled to the ground by something hard and cold. But it wasn't the van. (If it were the van, then Twilight would have been a very short book.)

Bella opened her eyes and saw Edward Cullen kneeling protectively next to her as he pushed the van away from her. (And him.) His hands formed dents into the side of the van!

Edward looked down at her, terrified.

Bella thought she hit her head because earlier she heard two voices bickering about if someone can keep their job…

Everyone around them (Edward and Bella) started yelling and Bella tried to get up. Edward glared at her and she decided to stay put.

An ambulance came to get them. Blah, blah, blah. I'm not going to bore you with the details but Edward came to the hospital too. Yay!

~ In Bella's Hospital Room ~

Tyler-the guy who almost killed Bella- kept apologizing to her. Bella pretended to be asleep so he'd shut up.

After awhile, Edward came in the room and asked how Bella was.

Then a doctor came into the room. He looked a lot like Edward! He was pale, young, tired-looking, and had the same gold eyes as him.

_This HAS to be Edward's dad! _Bella thought.

Anyway, Dr. Cullen made sure Bella was ok to leave. But he told her to take _Tylenol_ for the pain.

_THE CULLENS RECOMMEND USING TYLENOL TO RELIEVE PAIN! _–Bella thought._ I need to put that in my Cullen-reserved notebook!_

Bella was about to leave when she remembered she wanted to talk to Edward.

Bella: Can I talk to you for a minute?

Edward: Why?

Bella: Because I want to lecture you on why you saved me.

Edward: Must I be lectured?

Bella: YES!!! Stephenie Meyer wrote it so you have to do it.

Edward sighed but agreed.

Once we were out in the hall he asked: What do you want?

Bella: You owe me an explanation.

Edward: I saved your life-I don't owe you anything.

Bella: You promised.

Edward looked confused because he never promised to tell her what really happened.

Edward: Bella, you hit your head. You have NO IDEA what you're talking about.

Bella: I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! I want the truth!

Edward was thinking of saying something along the lines of, _You can't handle the truth! _But in the end, decided to actually say: What do you _think_ happened?

Bella: All I know is that you weren't anywhere near me! I would've seen you near me because I always hope that you'll come up and talk to me. But you were across the parking lot talking to your sister. Then the van was supposed to kill me, but you stopped it with your hands! And they made dents into the sides of the van, too! And you should've died because of it! But you don't even have a scratch on you!

Edward: Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Bella: Why did you even bother saving me?

Edward: I have no idea.

Then he walked away.

Bella just stood there for seven minutes looking at the door at the end of the hall - the one he walked out of.

Anyway, Bella left the hospital and had to call her mom and tell her what happened.

That night, Bella wrote in her Cullen-reserved notebook (as usual) and dreamt of Edward Cullen.

Announcer: Thank you all sooo much for wanting me in TwilighterluvsEdward's story! I am now going to reveal my name…

My name is Paul.

TwilighterluvsEdward: That sounds strangely familiar…

Paul the Announcer Guy: Ummm…yeah…there's gonna be a character in New Moon with the same name.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Really? Oh, yeah I know who Paul-in New Moon-is.

Paul the Announcer Guy: I don't like using my real name so I don't usually tell anyone…

TwilighterluvsEdward: Oh…Well can you tell me more about yourself.

A Different Voice: I'm sorry but Paul isn't here right now. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

TwilighterluvsEdward: Then where is he?

Different Voice: I cannot tell you wh—

Another Voice: SAUL!!!! Did you lock Paul in the closet _again_!

Different Voice: Whitney!! You just ruined my cover!

Another Voice: Get Paul out of that closet RIGHT NOW!

Different Voice: FINE!!

Paul the Announcer Guy: Thanks Whitney!

Another Voice/Whitney: No problem!

Paul the Announcer Guy: Well… I have an evil twin brother, Saul. And two sisters (who are also twins) named Whitney and Brittany. Whitney is nice and Brittany is really mean.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Ok, so "Different Voice" was Saul, your Evil Twin Brother?

Paul the Announcer Guy: Yes.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Ok, then. I gotta go and post this chapter, I'll talk to you in the next chapter. Bye Paul!

Paul the Announcer Guy: Ok. Bye TwilighterluvsEdward!

**(A/N Thank you all sooo much for reading my story! I hope I didn't disappoint you with The Announcer Guy's name as well as his brothers' and sisters' names. **

**I didn't want The Announcer Guy's name to be Paul, but I wanted everyone's name to rhyme with his or her twin's. **

**I had to re-do this entire chapter because I accidentally wrote everything in Bella's POV instead of Third person POV.**

**I made this chapter Extra-Long for you all because I haven't been able to update as often as I'd like to. (Because I have to read a book over the summer for school - which starts in a few weeks. The book is ****The Lightning Thief ****and I LOVE it! I really like Greek Mythology and humans (GO HUMANS!! ;p) so it's a great book!**

**Wow, I wrote a really long note at the end. I'm gonna stop rambling and let you review!! Please? –Does puppy-dog eyes -)**

**REVIEW FOR PAUL THE ANNOUNCER!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!!**


	6. Bella Gets Ticked Off

(A/N Hi everyone! I don't know if very many people ever read my profile, so I'm just gonna write what I wrote in my profile below:

PLEASE READ!!!!!!!!!

**Last night I heard that Stephenie Meyer is being sued!! I cannot believe it!! It feels like a nightmare, but unfortunately it's a true fact. Supposedly Stephenie Meyer's ****Breaking Dawn**** has the same plot as Jordan Scott's book, ****The Nocturne****. They're also Vampires, get married, have a child, etc. I was crying last night because how sad I was. Not in Stephenie Meyer if she really did take Jordan Scott's idea, but that I'm disappointed. Disappointed in the fact that one of my favorite books in the universe may not be as unique and original as I thought. That one of the books that made me actually **_**like **_**to read, even made me want to become an author might just be plagiarized work. I still want to become an author, and I am NOT angry at Stephenie Meyer, for she might NOT have stolen Ms. Scott's idea. I am still a HUGE fan of Stephenie Meyer's and LOVE the Twilight Saga. Even **_**if**_** she plagiarized Ms. Scott's book, I will ALWAYS love the Twilight Saga with all my heart. If Stephenie Meyer is found guilty in the case of her plagiarizing Ms. Scott's book, I will still love the Twilight Saga, for there is no reason for me not to. I hope that every Twilighter will not frown upon Stephenie Meyer... I know I won't. **

**That is what I wrote on my profile, but I'm not sure if anyone reads that, so that's why I put it in here. I hope that Breaking Dawn is not a plagiarized book, because I absolutely love it. But I am not taking sides, (example, Jordan Scott VS Stephenie Meyer) because that would be favoritism. (Everyone knows that I'd choose Stephenie Meyer in a heartbeat.) All we (Twilighters) can do now is wait and see what happens to our favorite author.**

**If you have anything to say about the subject above, please PM me or say it in a review to this chapter.**

~ The Next Couple Weeks ~

Edward and Bella avoided each other for the next month and a half. It was difficult because they sit next to each other in Biology II. But we ALL know that they secretly want to talk to each other, blah, blah, blah. The entire school kept asking Bella what happened. (Because they had nothing else better to do in such a boring town) Mike Newton asked Bella if she could go to the beach with their friends, and Bella agreed to it because he was _really_ annoying and wouldn't quit asking her.

The school dance was coming up and Bella HATED dancing. She would always trip. (No surprise there.) Yet Mike had other plans.

~ In Biology II ~

Mike: So, Bella…Were you going to ask someone to the dance? Bella: No. Mike: Why not? Did you ask some one already? –he glanced at Edward, who was sitting next to me, of course- Bella: No, I'm not going to the dance _at all_. Mike whined: Whyyyyy? Bella: I'm going to Seattle that Saturday. Mike: Can't you go some other weekend!!!!!????? Bella: Nope! So just go with Jessica! Mike: FINE! Then Mike walked over to his lab table and started crying. How pathetic. OUCH!!!, Mike suddenly yelped. TwilighterluvsEdward: Who hurt Mike…again? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It was me, Saul! TwilighterluvsEdward: Why did you do that? Saul: I'm bored and Paul is playing video games at a friend's house. TwilighterluvsEdward: Oh…ok, then. But how come no one saw you hurt Mike? Saul: I'm really fast. TwilighterluvsEdward: OMG! Are you a vampire!? Saul: No, I'm not a vampire. Blood is repulsive to me. TwilighterluvsEdward: Oh, alright then. Well I kinda have a story to write…so bye! Saul: Ok. Bye Twilighter! Anyway, Bella felt kinda sad for Mike, so she put her head down on her desk and waited for class to start. But before Biology II could begin, she felt someone starting at her. Instinctively, she looked up and saw Edward Cullen staring at her with obvious curiosity in his dark eyes. The back of her mind noted his eyes are black today, so she had something to write about in her Cullen-reserved notebook!

After a moment, Edward looked away and answered a question that Mr. Banner called on him for.

The bell rang and Bella was about to get out of her seat and get to her next class when Edward spoke.

Edward: Bella?

Bella: Are you talking to be again!!!!!!

Edward: No.

Bella: Oh…well, what do you want?

Edward: I'm sorry I'm being rude to you. I know I am. But it's better this way.

Bella: So you're still not going to talk to me, even though you know it's rude.

Edward: Yeah.

Bella opened her binder and looked over a script Stephenie Meyer, or something, gave her.

Bella: Oh. I'm supposed to be mad at you right now so,

"You could have saved yourself all this regret", Bella said in a bad impersonation of a horrible actor.

Edward: Regret? I regret nothing!

Bella: Oh, really! So now you're a liar and you regret saving me!

Edward: You think I regret saving your life!?

Bella: I KNOW you do.

Edward: You know nothing.

Bella looked away from him and swiftly left the classroom, but in her rush to get out, she fell. (No surprise there.)

Bella's textbooks fell and Edward had them picked up before Bella could look up at him.

Bella took her books and said, "Thank you."

Edward, "You're welcome."

They glared at each other for a few seconds (just for dramatic affect) and left the classroom.

Gym was very boring for Bella and Edward just sat in Spanish with a blank look on his face… (Suspicious…)

When Bella walked to her car at the end of the day, she saw Eric standing near it. She spoke to him and he asked her if she would like to go to the dance. Bella just replied, "It's a girl's choice dance…Ewww! Eric are you thinking of becoming a girl. Ewww!" (Bella heard a chuckle and saw Edward Cullen walking to his car. It was obvious he was listening to their conversation)

Then Bella jumped in her truck and tried to make a getaway but Edward's Volvo blocked the way. Eric walked away confused, and sad.

Since Bella's truck was unable to go anywhere because of a certain someone's car, cough - Edward Cullen – cough, she had to wait for the car to move.

Tyler chose this moment to ask Bella to the dance. Bella was so fed up with how many guys asked her, she just yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" Tyler walked back to his new car. (When he almost killed Bella with his van, it got a huge dent on the side in a shape of two hands **(AN: I wonder who that was…) **and all the glass windows got shattered, he got a new car. (Hopefully one that won't result in almost killing someone…)

Bella looked forward and saw Edward Cullen laughing as if he heard Bella and Tyler's conversation…

The rest of the Cullens/Hales got in the car and they drove off.

~ Bella's House ~

When Bella got home, the phone ringed. It was Jame- Wait!! That's at the end of the book! It was actually Jessica calling to tell Bella that Mike accepted her invitation to the dance.

At dinner, Charlie asked if Bella was going to go to the dance, but she told him she was planning on going shopping, looking for books, etc.

Bella wrote about her entire day in her Cullen-reserved notebook.

**(AN: I am soooo sorry about not updating sooner. School starts tomorrow, so I've busy with trying to get ready for it. I have an idea for a story, so I'm gonna get started on that, and hopefully post it soon. Thanks for reading!! ~TwilighterluvsEdward)**


	7. Authors Note

Hi everyone! No, this is not a new chapter. (Sorry about that.)

I am sooo sorry I haven't updated my Twilight Parody in a while. I'm working on it right now, but I'm also sick. I also have school work, and other stuff too.

But I'm writing a new story called Outside Looking In. I have the first chapter done and posted on fanfiction, and I'm working on more ideas for that story. BTW I'm going to be working on my Twilight Parody and Outside Looking In at the same time.

Thank you soooo much my fellow Fanfictioners! (Ok…that wasn't weird…)

Saul: Yes it was!!!!

TwilighterluvsEdward: Shut up Saul!

Paul: Hi TwilighterluvsEdward! I'm sorry to hear you're sick.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Hi Paul. I don't like being sick. I can't go to school and my best friend's birthday is tomorrow.

OUCH, OWW, OUCH!!!

Saul: Paul isn't here right now…he kinda fell down the stairs…

TwilighterluvsEdward: SAUL!! Why did you push Paul down the stairs?!

Saul: I didn't do it! He just fell down the stairs. What a klutz.

TwilighterluvsEdward: I don't believe you. If YOU want to voice your opinion (_If_ Saul pushed Paul down the stairs) then review and tell me what you think!

~TwilighterluvsEdward


	8. Edward: The AlmostTruckStealer

**Hi everyone! I am so sorry for not updating this story sooner! It's been MONTHS! I know, I know. If I hadn't been working on another story, you all probably would've thought I died by now. I'm the worst updater person on Fanfiction. :~(**

**Anyway, YAY!! A New Moon Trailer JUST CAM E ON!!! I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!!! Wait…what was I going to say...Oh…Before the trailer came on TV I was going to say something like, "Enjoy the chapter!" Or something… (P.S. I wrote that A LONG time ago, but I thought it was funny, so I kept it on this A/N)**

**BTW, Happy Holidays everyone!**

**I don't own Twilight. If I did, I would have made SURE that the first Twilight movie was better.**

~ The same day as the last chapter ~

Bella wanted a reason for her not to be in town during the dance so she told Charlie that she would be going to Seattle for a few books and clothes, blah, blah, blah. I'll just skip to the good part…

~ At the school the next day ~

Bella parked far far far far far far far away from the sliver Volvo (Which was only about 10 yards away) because she didn't want to see the owner. (Even though she denies her love for a certain someone whose name starts with an 'E'...and it's not Emmett.)

Being the clumsy person Bella is, she dropped her keys when she was getting out of her truck.

**(A/N I've made 2 different ways this could go about)**

1. A pale white hand reached out to get it. OMG! Someone was trying to steal Bella's old, rusty, broken, truck. WAIT A SECOND! No one wants to steal Bella's truck. Never mind…

Bella looked up to the almost-truck-stealer and saw Edward Cullen. (It is _very_ important to put his last name too because Edward is _SUCH_ a popular name…I'm talking to _you_ Stephenie Meyer.)

Bella: How do you do that?

Edward: …Do what?

Edward handed over Bella's keys and Bella thought, "I bet he's wishing he could steal my truck. TRUCK STEALER!" In the same exact moment Edward thought, " Her truck is soooo old. I looooove my Volvo."

Bella: Appear out of no where.

Edward: Well, it's your fault you don't look around.

Edward was thinking of saying she was "Exceptionally unobservant", but that sounded too formal. Bella tried not to be dazzled by looking into Edward's golden eyes, but she failed in doing so…like usual.

Bella looked at the ground when she said: Why the traffic jam yesterday? I thought you were trying to avoid me and save me under impossible circumstances, not irritating me until I want to die.

Edward: I had to make sure that Tyler had his chance to ask you to the dance.

Edward then started laughing at Bella's face, which looked outraged.

Bella: You……………meanie.

Saul: OH PLEASE! I can think of so many more insults that _actually_ make the person feel bad.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Zip it Saul! Before they hear you.

Bella: …Did you just hear two voices arguing?

Edward: Bella, you are utterly absurd. **(A/N Is it just me or is it that whenever you hear that quote from Edward, you think of Simon Cowell from American Idol? Or just Edward with a British accent…maybe it's just me…) **

GASP! Oh no he didn't …-snaps fingers in weird complex formation-

Bella walked away from Edward and towards the high school.

Edward caught up to her very quickly. He kept trying to apologize for pretty much saying that Bella was stupid, but he messed up every time.

Edward: -And you know the old saying my mother told me? _If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all_. I actually didn't think about that when I told you that you were absurd. Sure, it's true, but it doesn't mean I should just blurt it out and tell you-

Bella just kinda tuned him out for a while.

Edward: -So anyway, will you go with me to Seattle?

Bella (Who's staring at her nails): …What? Were you asking me something?

Edward: …Umm. Yeah. Kinda.

Bella: …What was the question again?

Edward sighed and said: Will you go with me to Seattle?

Bella: How did you know I'm going to Seattle?

Bella was thinking that Edward really _was_ her personal stalker. YAY!

Edward: Mike was sobbing over it yesterday. Saying things like, "S-s-s-she's g-g-going t-to S-s-s-s-seat-t-tle t-t-the d-day of t-t-t-the d-d-d-d-dance!"

Bella: …Oh…That's not weird…-insert nervous laugh here-

Edward: Yeah. Sooo…Do you want to go to Seattle with me or not?

Bella: Umm…Sure. Why not?

Bella meant that question to be rhetorical, but Edward took her seriously.

Edward: Because you should stay away from me. See ya in Biology class, Bella!

Then Edward jogged back to his Volvo.

Bella thought: Wow. Is he bipolar, or what? One minute he's telling me I should stay away from him, then saying that he'll see me in Biology. Weird.

**(A/N Here's a different way this chapter could have gone)**

~ At the school the next day ~

Bella parked far far far far far far far away from the sliver Volvo (Which was only about 10 yards away) because she didn't want to see the owner. (Even though she denies her love for a certain someone who's name starts with an 'E'...and it's not Emmett.)

Being the clumsy person Bella is, she dropped her keys when she was getting out of her truck.

2. Edward Cullen casually walked by where Bella was staring open-mouthed at the ground, where her keys were.

Bella coughed: Ahem.

Edward glanced at her, then kept walking towards the school.

AHEM!, Bella purposely coughed louder, as to get Edward's attention.

Edward lifted his head to look at Bella, who was still coughing, which was completely fake. Bella's eyes went from Edward's to the keys on the ground, and back and fourth between the two for a minute.

Edward had stopped walking towards the school by now. He walked over to where Bella and her disregarded keys were, picked then up and gave them to Bella.

Bella: Sooooo…thanks. For picking up my keys for me, of course. You really didn't need to do that though.

Edward just stared at her with a blank expression. Bella _clearly_ wanted him to pick up her keys for her.

Edward: ...Riiight. Well, I heard that you're going to Seattle the day of the dance, correct?

Bella: …Yeah? What about it?

Edward: Well, I wasn't going to go to the dance either and I've been planing on going to Seattle for a while, so why not go together?

Bella: In your 'Stupid shiny Volvo'? No, thanks.

Bella started walking towards the school and Edward caught up to her quickly.

Edward: What if you drop your keys in Seattle and I'm not there to pick them up for you?

Bella: …Good point. Ok, I'll go with you to Seattle.

Edward: Great! …But you really _should_ stay away from me. I'll see ya in Biology! Later!

Then Edward jogged to his car. And just like that Bella was going to Seattle with Edward.

Out-take (Later that Night)

Bella: …Where're my keys?

Saul: Tee hee. I stole them.

TwilighterluvsEdward: SAUL! Why did you steal Bella's keys? Now she's gonna think that Edward is a truck-stealer!

Saul: Oh…Fine, I'll give them back.

TwilighterluvsEdward: Say it.

Saul: …Oh wait! I know this one! 'Vampire' right?

TwilighterluvsEdward: No… well yes because that's a quote from the Twilight movie, but no.

Saul: Oh. I know what you're talking about. _'Please review!!!'_

TwilighterluvsEdward: Good job.

**(A/N TA DA! Chapter 7 is done! Yay! I hope everyone liked it! This chapter was roughly 1,200 words. Wow. That's pretty good, if you ask me. Thank you all so much for reading! Merry Christmas! (And Happy Holidays!) )**


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